(This was my original post submitted to TheMindfulMDMom who did an amazing job spicing it up. Check out the co-authored piece HERE)
I saw you parking and the tears. I know you tried to wipe them away quickly. I see the pain that medicine is sucking the life out of you. My hearts breaks as I watch your spirit break too.
I see you giving all you can in the different areas of your life and feeling defeated in every single one of them
I hear you whisper, “I can’t keep doing this.”
I know the dialogue you are having in your head, “Do I even care about medicine anymore or should I find something else? Can I even find something else? What do I do? Why can’t I hack it?”
I feel your emotions of inadequacy, hopelessness, guilt, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, emptiness.
I know all this because once, I was you.
I, too, cried in the parking lot trying to get my shit together before walking into the office. Every Sunday was coated with dread. Every step forward required monumental effort. And no one else saw this struggle.
I, too, was afraid, lonely and broken in my core. Each day felt like I was drowning, barely surviving to the next.
But, I need to tell you something.
I need to tell you a lot of somethings but let’s start here.
You are not alone. Not at all. I’m here for you along with your family, friends, and colleagues and we want to help you. You only need to reach out for help. I know, I know. Asking for the help feels like the last thing you want to do right now. But I’m telling you, help is available for those who ask.
Listen to the tears. You can’t continue grinding like this. You can’t stay living like this. Your body and mind are telling you: It. Is. Time. Listen to your intuition, she has been silenced for so long but now she must have your attention. Lean in, ask yourself, "What do I really want for my life," then sit quietly and listen. Your answers will come.
Your current reality does not have to be your future. You are not a victim trapped in this circumstance. You can change your life and your practice. You determine your life. You have the power and control. You can choose differently. The life you desire is possible. You are not stuck.
You can create a kickass life you love. I know this because I did it. No more Sunday dreads. No more being miserable days sprinkled with shame and regret. No more tears in the car. You are more than capable to create anything, quitting everything and all that you want. Will it take work? Yep. Will it come at a cost? Hell yes. Will it be worth it? Absofuckinglutely!
This does not define you. You can change. And, I got your back!